FINDING SELF

Hey Lovelies,

Its been quite a while now and I know we’ve all moved on with our lives. These past  months have been a lesson on their own. I know I haven’t been able to  write as much as  I was before but I  decided to stop being lazy and stop procrastinating and convey my thoughts. I realized I think better and I have a better view of things when I speak or write out my thoughts. Well, today  I am writing about finding yourself and accepting every stage in life you find yourself in.

I have been thinking a lot lately about myself and certain decisions I have made, not because I knew exactly what I  wanted  but because I wanted to fit in a certain scheme planned out by others for me and  to sort of fit in the idea or the life they thought I ought to live. What I didn’t realize was that I was exchanging my happiness for the happiness of others. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying its bad to make others happy, it’s just too much of a burden to bear if you’re gonna end up feeling miserable inwards anyways.

I have always been scared of disappointing others, I always wanted to be looked at as the listening child, an obedient child so to speak, I wanted to be looked at, as the perfect example whiles crying inwardly because I was sad and unhappy about the decision I had taken. I would tell myself over and over again that it didn’t matter as long as those who mattered were okay, I didn’t realize I was telling myself I didn’t matter. In a turn of events I kept telling myself, just live with it because they know better, they’ve lived longer than you and know better. Let’s be honest, who knows you better than you know yourself? If you can’t tell what makes you unique and what you embody then I am sorry to say no  one can help you out because when it matters most you can’t help yourself.

Ever feel like an empty version of yourself? Moving forward like a zombie, accepting the truth of others and  not knowing yours? Well i feel like i have been there for the past 25 years. I am growing into myself and finding out what makes me happy and what puts my soul at rest. That doesn’t mean I have it all sorted out and all figured out. I have a lot of questions and i am consistently looking for answers and how to place all the puzzles together. Imagine being 25, surrounded by people who seem to have life sorted out , who seem to know their left from their right and hold the  wheel of the their lives in their hands. Then there’s you, the person who seems lost at sea, just moving with the wind, waiting to be blown in any direction and just praying it’s the right direction. Yeah you’ve got your degree and you would think having a profession meant having your  life all sorted out but no that’s not the case all the time.

There are way too many voices trying to tell you what to do and when to do them that you haven’t been able to think for yourself. Well I totally understand because I see myself in the same position. I haven’t made a decision in a long while without considering what others will think of me or the standards they have of me. Living to please others whiles ignoring your own happiness is the most draining thing you could ever do. Take it from someone who had to live the truth of others whiles ignoring hers.

I think it’s time though! I am ready to know myself better, to understand my purpose, to explain to myself why certain decisions have been made or need to be made. I am ready to be content with the life i make myself and the decisions have taken for myself. I know it’s not an easy journey to go on but I feel very good about it. You might be conflicted with life as i am about certain things. Why don’t we all go on this journey together, try to find the true source and purpose of our being and taking charge.

You got any comments or suggestions? Be sure to drop them. I’ll be reading!xox